 |
THE ADVENTURES
OF
FATTY LEWIS
By
Arthur
Killick
Copyright,
1915, by A. F.
Killick and W.
P. Harvey |
THE NEW
NEIGHBORS.
"We've
sure got some mystery
out our way," Fatty
Lewis declared.
"Sure some mystery."
"Nobody dead is there?"
Hurrah Smith inquired.
"Not up to the time I
left home this morning,"
Lewis replied. "But it
wouldn't surprise me if
there was some
fatalities by now.
There was about nine
women dying."
"Some kind of an
epidemic?" Hurrah
continued.
"Yes," Lewis answered.
"Curiosity."
"We've got a new
neighbor," he added,
"and believe me she's
got the girl scouts
gasping for breath.
Been there two days.
Has worn a different
silk kimono each
morning. Looks
swell in both of them.
Wears a diamond
lavalierre and two hunks
of ice in her ears about
the size of hazel nuts.
Pays cash for her
groceries and --"
"Who is she?" Hurrah
interrupted.
"You ain't even got
brains enough to be
called simple minded,"
Lewis replied. "If
them women can't find
out who she is, what
chance do you think I've
got?
"All I know is that if
Mrs. Newcomer springs a
new silk kimono tomorrow
morning the neighborhood
is wrecked. It's
almost a total loss now.
One woman burned up a
quarter's worth of navy
beans.
"Mrs. Lewis neglected
her bread and it ran all
over the kitchen floor.
Woman next door put two
cups of salt instead of
sugar in some preserves.
I tell you those hens
will need a nerve
specialist in about one
more day.
"And I can't sleep
mornings anymore," Lewis
continued. "Our
house is directly across
the alley. It's
the best viewpoint for
the range-finders.
The Busy Berthas,
Nellies, and Alices all
got together in our rear
bedroom. They woke
me up the morning Miss
Newcomer moved in.
Them bugs were
chattering like
squirrels.
" 'The furniture is
almost new,' one dame
declared.
" 'Yes, and it matches,
too,' a second admitted.
" 'Would you look at
that brass bed?' another
remarked.
" 'And those rugs.
Aren't they exquisite?
Did you ever see
anything like them
rugs?'
" 'I've seen better,'
said the female
hammer-thrower, who is
continually breaking
down and confessing, 'We
were well-to-do before
coming to Kansas City,'
'They're imitations.'
" 'What are you pulling
off?' I asked Mrs.
Lewis, who heard me
getting up and had
come in the room; 'The
mob scene from "The
Christian," or a
furniture auction?'
" 'Oh!' she exclaimed
all excited, 'There's
somebody moving in the
old Jenkins house across
the alley.'
" 'I thought maybe they
were moving in here from
the noise you're
making,' I replied.

"Oh!" she
exclaimed all excited,
"There's somebody moving
in the old Jenkins house
across the alley."
" 'Well, I'm sorry we
woke you up,' she
answered, 'but a couple
of neighbors just
happened to be passing
and they dropped in.'
" 'Happened to drop in,'
I replied. 'You
couldn't have sent out
invitations and drew
half that crowd.'
" 'Ha ha,' exclaimed the
official style Solomon
of the block, who held
an undisputed claim to
her title because she
had once been in New
York and had seen one of
the 400 ride by in a
machine,' I knew anyone
who wore diamonds and
silk kimonos in the
morning couldn't be
proper.'
" 'What's she done,
Dora?' I heard Mrs.
Lewis ask.
" 'She's using a
Battenberg scarf on her
sideboard,' Dora
replied. 'Why, the
good stores hardly show
Battenberg any more in
the basements.'
"I saw that my chances
for breakfast were poor
and cloudy so I beats it
on downtown for my
waffles and java,
believing that the dove
of peace would be
perched on the doorstep
by night. But when
I got home it was worse
than ever.
"Mrs. Lewis was acting
like she does when she
misplaces the pocketbook
containing her usual
twenty-eight cents.
I know her temperature
was at least 106.
The dove of peace didn't
even have pinfeathers
left. Supper
hadn't been started.
Breakfast dishes
unwashed and no beds
made up.
" 'Got any more evidence
agsint the prisoner
except the Battenberg
dresser scarf?' I
inquired.
" 'Not a thing,' she
admitted, 'and goodness
knows we've been busy
all day. There's
been no chance to see
into that house since
they finished hanging
the curtain.'
" 'Awful thoughtless of
the woman to hang the
curtains,' I says.
'Maybe I'll be able to
sleep tomorrow morning.'
"The second day's
investigation made it
still worse for the
Allies," Lewis added.
"As near as I can dope
it out they gave the
mail carrier the third
degree, annoyed a
plumber's helper,
cross-examined the ice
an and called up
information on both
'phones, and still they
couldn't learn Mrs.
Newcomer's name.
" 'She must be swell,'
Mrs. Lewis confessed.
'They delivered a load
of real anthracite coal
there today. She
had fourteen guest
towels and real linen
napkins on the clothes
line and her pillow
slips were embroidered
with a big "W." We
had an awful argument
about whether it was "M"
or "W," but we finally
settled it by using
opera glasses. I
said it was a "W" before
they got the glasses,'
she added proudly."
"Well, what good is it
going to do 'em to find
out what her name is?"
Hurrah asked.
"It looks like I'm
wasting my time talking
to you," Lewis replied.
"How do you think
they're going to find
out where she got her
money and diamonds and
other things until they
learn who she is?"
|